Okay, we get it. Before Project Runway, no one cared about you. Your lifeblood is the “high brow” reality competition clones of Runway. We’ve had Project Runway: Cooking, Project Runway: Interior Design, Project Runway: Dancing, Project Runway: Models, Project Runway: Hair, and even Project Runway: Project Runway Replacement. Basically, if it’s listed on Stuff White People Like, chances are Bravo has also had a competitive reality TV show based around it.

In their attempts to exact the successful format, they’ve clearly found the main draw to the show. We love accents that no one can understand! “Shake eht”. The current host of Shear Genius sounds like she came from the kingdom of lolcat. Launch my Line was led by the design duo Dsquared who sound much as how one would imagine aliens attempting to learn english would. That is aliens from outer space, mind you. Don’t go thinking this entire post is xenophobic.

Tune in at 10!

Point is, I, you, them, we, do not want to be struggling to understand what is going on simply because the person hired to explain the rules of the show has an oh-so-2011-lebanese-burkina fasoian accent. Give the job to one the endless Real Housewives spawn. I’m sure that Jill Zarin would gobble up the chance at one more precious moment of extra airtime.

No longer is that the case. Particularly within the last few years, reality TV has taken over the void reruns once filled. Here are some shows both old and new alike to look out for this summer now that Idol has run its course.

So You Think You Can Dance

Also known as the Idol clone where talent is required, this summer staple returns with a new format, with a slimmed down top 10, paired with all-star dancers from the last six seasons, instead of the traditional top 20. Though two seasons a year is a bit of a stretch, SYTYCD’s summer season is never to be missed. Starts tonight on FOX.

Bethenny Getting Married?

Also this summer, continue to feed your endless Real Housewives addiction with Bethenny Getting Married? Pushed up from November to June 10 to cash in the on the drama of the current season of Real Housewives of New York, the show will follow the pregnant Martha’s Apprentice alumni as she prepares for her wedding to the slightly creepy Jason Hoppy. Rumor has it jealousy of this spinoff is what feuled the spat between Bethenny and Jill Zarin during the current season of Real Housewives of New York.

Big Brother

The “house like no other” opens its doors once again starting July 8 on CBS. Getting your Orwellian fix shouldn’t be a problem, as the show is once again airing three nights a week all summer (Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday this go round) along with the almost 24/7 live feed online, and Big Brother After Dark on Showtime Too. Definitely worth a spot as the guilty pleasure on your DVR.

The TLC Lineup

More divas and emotions than you could ever want, TLC returns this summer with more of the same. Toddlers and Tiaras begins its 4^th season in June, and like it or not, Kate Gosselin returns to our screens for Kate Plus 8.  I’m personally never followed the Gosselin saga, but I know many who follow the gaggle religiously. Is Kate on her on worth a watch? Absolutely. Can she carry the series on her own? Doubtful.

The OCD Project

Finally, in a slightly unexpected choice, 3 Ball Productions (Beauty & The Geek, For Love or Money) is collaborating with VH1 to bring you “The OCD Project”, beginning tonight at 10.  Expect a show in the vein of Hoarders meets Sex Rehab. Is VH1 purposefully beginning to build a lineup based on the treatment of mental disorders? And furthermore, how bizarre is that concept?

Even if somehow none of these shows appeal to you, there’s plenty of more fish in the sea. Not only do you have various other shows dotting the summer reality landscape, reruns of Top Model and other shows various shows are a constant. And, if still there is nothing on TV, there’s always If I Can Dream, broadcast on Hulu and once again, with live feed.

One: Although Tyra has managed to add herself into even more of the visual half of the video than ever before, she actually cut much of her own vocals from the theme. Quite impressive considering the ego that comes with that woman. But in lieu of Tyra’s auto tuned voice, we’re given what appears to be the cookie monster chanting in the background. I kid you not, listen for yourself.

So what do you think? Is “seasme street chic” the next big thing in pop music? Is Tyra starting a trend, or is she just wishing for the sunny days of when she was actually considered credible?

Randy: Epic Fail

After betraying the Fang tribe in his original season, Randy gave us tons to talk about and helped make Gabon one of the most spite filled seasons ever. This time though, he felt like the odd uncle at the family reunion. His jokes have grown old, and he just kind of lurks around everyone else. In short, he was a waste.

Cirie: Epic

Cirie is a toughie to judge. Certainly, her game got her far twice before and thus in a way she failed here. But what makes her impressive in Survivor 20 is the fact that she was able to pull together a majority alliance after practically everyone called her the biggest threat pre game. Not bad at all, Cirie.

Tom: Epic Fail

Where in the Tom that was the oh, so dominate force in Palau? The first time around, the players only have three chances to cast a vote against Tom before he made it to the final tribal council. He utterly dominated in both camp and social life. This time, his athleticism was nowhere to be found, and his refusal to side with Cirie quickly placed him on the chopping block. Is this the Tom we once knew?

Tyson: Epic Fail

Honestly, with Tyson, it feel like he just doesn’t care about the game that much. Tyson just likes to putt around, be snarky, and play it up for the cameras. That is exactly what makes him such a polarizing character. I fall on the side on fan, but even I have to admit Tyson’s boot was idiotic, and easily avoidable. A season without Russell, what could’ve been…

James: Epic Fail

James is the prime example of why Heroes cannot be heroic twice. Going into the game the first time, most of the heroes just fell into the position. Going into the game again, they knew the steps they had to take to be seen in a positive light. However, they also lose the charm and spontaneity they once had, and that made them likable to begin with. They go from being characters, to playing characters. The organic nature of who they were is lost, and ego steps in.

So that rounds up the last 5 boots, and we’re back on track! Next episode we’ll go back to a slightly more indepth look at the player.

Stephenie LaGrossa, the original Jersey Shore girl.

Stephenie has had quite a journey on Survivor. Her first season was Survivor: Palau, back in 2005. The game began with 20 players in a boat a mile off shore, with an immunity necklace on the beach for the first man and first woman who could reach them. At this point, the players had 2 options. A: Stay in the boat and paddle until close to shore, or B: attempt to out swim the boat.  18 players went with the obvious of sticking to the boat, since, uh, the man power of 18> the man power of 1. But people castaways jumped from the boat and were left hopelessly far behind. One of those contestants just happened to be Stephenie LaGrossa. Though some of her fellow castaways questioned her possibility as a liability, she still got selected for the powerhouse tribe Ulong on day 2. The other boat jumper, Jonathan, wasn’t so fortunate. He wasn’t selected my either tribe and thus was eliminated on the beach.

LaGrossa may not be the most glamorous to ever play the game, but she can go toe to toe with the men in challenges. Too bad it cost her the million.

So now Stephenie seemed to be sitting pretty. She was on a tribe that was clearly physically superior. Unfortunately, they lacked in mental prowess. 7 failed immunity challenges later, Stephenie found herself alone as the last member of Ulong standing. After being absorbed into the competing Koror tribe, she quickly became the primary target after only one tribal council. At the final 8 tribal council, Stephenie was the inevitable target. Luckily for her, Janu had mentally checked out of the game and was willing to lay down her torch in order for Stephenie to stay in the game. Not so luckily, Steph failed to win the next immunity challenge. She tried to rally together fellow tribemates Jenn, Katie, and Caryn to take out the physically stronger men, but in the words of Katie, “We can’t get a female alliance together, because Caryn sucks.” After 30 days of close calls, Stephenie’s torch was snuffed in a 6-1 vote.

When Survivor: Palau aired, Stephenie’s popularity polls skyrocketed to the highest a female castaway had ever received. She was the ultimate underdog, and CBS wanted to bring her back for more. The following season Survivor: Guatemala, both she and fellow Ulong member Bobby Jon returned to the game. In Guatemala, Stephenie had a cult following that made her path to the final 2 perhaps the easiest ever. Everyone wanted to ally with Stephenie, and she got the pick of the litter when it came to selecting whom to take to the end.  Unfortunately for Stephenie, the power went to her head the second go around. She blindsided loyal allies for seemingly no apparent reason. She made a fatal error at the final four, voting off physically weak Lydia over the much stronger Danni who had already been able to win an immunity challenge 4 days prior. Danni went on to win the final immunity challenge, and chose to take Stephenie with her to the final two. Stephenie sat facing a jury of butthurt fans who she had betrayed needlessly. Danni sat facing a jury in almost the exact position Stephenie had been in during her original season. Danni was almost a carbon clone of the type of player Stephenie had been her first time around. Danni spent the entire game in the minority alliance and was seen as an underdog. Stephenie was only able to receive a single vote among the 7 jurors.

LaGrossa alongside fellow Palau alum and alliance member Tom Westman.

Stephenie’s past made her an interesting choice for Survivor 20. In Palau, she was the ultimate hero. In Guatemala, she had made a transformation in a huge villain. Stephenie was selected for the Heroes tribe, and I suppose rightfully so as most people remember her from her original Survivor stint, although she made it farther in Guatemala. For the first episode of Heroes vs Villains, there wasn’t much Stephenie. She dislocated her arm during the first reward challenge of the series, but then kinda disappeared even though she was on the losing tribe. Episode 2 made up for this with Steph. First, we had conflict with her and Rupert over “coconut popcorn”. Basically, Steph agreed to make popcorn for the tribe, and then proceeded to make it in large chunks. Rupert then complained about how if it had been chopped into tiny pieces, it tastes like popcorn. Te ridiculous part of this is that he watched her cooking them the entire time, so if he thought they should’ve been in smaller pieces, why not speak up before, you know, she cooks all the coconut? The interesting thing about this clash is that for years jokes were made about how CBS’ dream would be to have a tribe with both Stephenie and Rupert on it. When it finally happened, they were snippy with each other. That seems to be the Heroes tribe biggest fault. With the Heroes, everything is about the spotlight and self-preservation. With the exception of Russell on the Villains tribe, no one cares about hogging the spotlight. And self-preservation isn’t an issue with a villain: they’ve all already had a “bad edit” and embraced it.

So, second immunity challenge. It’s a repeat of a challenge from Survivor: Tocantins, so the Heroes tribe elects JT to lead on the puzzle as that was his original season. “One voice”.  Unsurprisingly, the once again Heroes lost on the puzzle portion. James starts berating Stephenie as she spoke up during the challenge (though she wasn’t the only one, but blaming the majority isn’t exactly a smart move and though he’s not the smartest tool in shed, even James knows not to pull that), which is unsurprising given his past history (but we’ll go into James’ relationship with women whenever he gets voted off). Back at the Heroes beach, the Micronesia alliance (Cirie, James, Amanda) already had Rupert on board with voting off Stephenie, as his oh so brilliant strategy of voting off anyone who can be perceived as more heroic made her the biggest threat. JT inexplicably sided with the Micronesia alliance as well, solidifying the fact that he is not a good strategist, and was handed the game in Tocantins. Also, why did no one point the finger at Rupert? He had to sit out of the challenge because of his toe injury, and is a liability that wouldn’t have costed either side. Micronesia would still have majority, and the tribe would be strengthened. How no one capitalized on this opportunity is beyond me.

At the second tribal council, James’ outbursts continued as he tried to keep the focus of fellow alliance member and the weakest remaining hero Amanda. Laughably, James used Stephenie’s performance in Palau as a reason to vote her off. By that reasoning, should he be next for being voted off with two immunity idols in his back pocket? Stephenie is one of the strongest women in the history of Survivor, so using her membership of a TRIBE (a group of 9, it’s not like she singlehandedly made her tribe fail) is preposterous. It’s one thing to vote a player off for strategic reasons, it’s another to come up with reasons that are completely not based on in reality, and then bully the person because of your ridiculous logic. For James’ sake, I hope his logic was a cover for why he truly wanted to boot Stephenie, as if he reasoning was as shown on TV, he is an utter fool.

Stephenie in Guatemala. Outplay? For sure. Outwit? Not in the least. Outlast? ...maybe.

Stephenie: EPIC

It was like the condensed version of Stephenie. All of her Palau story arc, fit into two episodes. In two episodes, Stephenie was able to regain her hero status and play the underdog once again. It’s a shame she left so early, as she’s someone who would’ve been interesting to watch had she made it farther. She’s been given a lot of flack over the years, and I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t a fan in Guatemala, but you have to give her props. Very few women have ever been All-Star worthy, and Stephenie is certainly one of those ladies. She also had the guts to stand up to James, who is able to intimidate most men. Steph is a Survivor legend, and in only 2 episodes she was able to prove why she was out there. I have to admit, this post is massive and I still feel like I could go on for ages. Stephenie is one of the biggest characters of Survivor, and her story arc is massive. She hogged air time on three seasons, and went from idiot to hero to villain to victim. Out of anyone’s overall story, Steph probably is the one that you could write a thesis on. Honestly, I recapped only the key points in this post and even had to cut some pretty important bits of Guatemala out, and still her recap is of epic proportions. But that’s the way she likes ‘em. Value sized. She’d also probably would like it doused in cheese and bacon. For you, Stephenie, I oblige.

Next course: Sacred chicken

First boot from Survivor and "pinup girl" Sugar Kiper

On her first season, Jessica “Sugar” Kiper was known as a “pin up model” during Survivor: Gabon, the 17th installment of the popular series. Do pinup girls even exist anymore? Who knows. One thing is for certain however, and that is that Sugar certainly stuck out in the minds of audience members. And that’s just the way she’d want it, fully admitting in pre show interviews that her return to Survivor was fueled by the desire to be “discovered”. There’s an overload of quotation marks used when describing Jessica, because she often times comes across as simply being artificial. Could the pinup girl traipsing through the jungle, hoping to be discovered be the real Jessica? Possibly. But somehow, there seems to be a disconnect between who she has decided to portray on television, and who “Sugar” is in real life.

In Gabon, Sugar made a point to betray people for enterainment of the viewers. She was pandering to what she believed the audience’s whims would be, and as such perhaps she was the greatest strategist the show has ever seen. While winning over audience members, Sugar’s unpredictable strategy and seemingly disingenuous mood swings made her plenty of enemies in the game. Even though she was able to make it to the final tribal council in her original season, she was unable to win a single jury vote. Corinne harshly summed up the attitude of her fellow castaways in her final speech.

When Sugar returned to partake in Heroes versus Villains, she was selected to be a member of the Heroes Tribe. But once again, Sugar came across as an abrasive persona instead of as a genuine human, rubbing her tribe mates the wrong way when she kept them up at night with her endless chatter. Though not seen on TV, it didn’t help that Sugar had attempted to form alliances with other cast members before ever stepping foot on the island, something that had been explicitly told not to do by production. Several cast members scorned the idea of pre game alliances in interviews, alluding to dislike of Sugar’s strategy before the game had even begun. Having been in Samoa only three days before being unanimously voted out (including by rumored beau JT Thomas), Sugar did little to be remembered by, though she was able to get in a few more sob scenes, earning contempt from fellow hero Colby who claimed her emotionally unstable behavior made it impossible for her to make it 3 days, “Let alone another 36.”

Sugar: EPIC FAIL

At least she was entertaining the first time around. This time, had her top ripped off in a challenge, chased Colby around the shelter, cried after losing the Heroes lead in the first immunity challenge, and then sat on the beach and cried more. This is what we call a Hero?

Not a happy camper, Sugar's emotions once again got the best of her.

Elitism is going to be a catchall blog, but I’ll mostly cover the big reality TV shows out there, because let’s face it, we all watch reality TV. Don’t get all judgmental, unless you’re Amish, odds are you’ve at least watched an episode of American Idol or Survivor or one of those reality TV shows on Discovery about boats or logs or whatever. It’s okay, it’ll be our little secret, no one else has to know. The truth is no television is “classy” television, so when you feel like labeling reality TV as “trashy”, go ahead, it’s true. But so is everything else on the air. Reality TV just happens to be the only genre that embraces what it is. Reality TV: 1, Crime Shows: 0

Look at the progress we’ve made, and we haven’t talked about anything but what we’re going to talk about! I’ve stepped down from my throne of superiority, and you’ve decided to keep reading even though you know it’s a blog about reality TV! I feel like we’ve really bonded. So now that we’re friends, you’re going to read my next post, right? It’s like an obligation now. See those excellent manipulation skills I just pulled on you there? Learned those from Big Brother. Who says reality TV isn’t educational? Reality TV: 2, Crime Shows: 0

Bonus points if you just found that hidden message. To prove to you that there was a reason behind reading this entire first post if there’s no actual reality TV content in it, I’ll give you a preview of my next post. NEXT TIME ON…ELLITISM: Sugar, the first castaway booted from Survivor 20 is dissected. Was her appearance on Heroes versus Villains EPIC or an EPIC FAIL? Find out, on the next…ELLITISM.