Stephenie: Epic, or Epic Fail?

This week is a special two for one write up as this time last week I was practically dead and couldn’t think, let alone write. See: Once again, ego comes into play. You clearly needed to know why I wasn’t around last week. Speaking of egos…

Stephenie LaGrossa, the original Jersey Shore girl.

Stephenie has had quite a journey on Survivor. Her first season was Survivor: Palau, back in 2005. The game began with 20 players in a boat a mile off shore, with an immunity necklace on the beach for the first man and first woman who could reach them. At this point, the players had 2 options. A: Stay in the boat and paddle until close to shore, or B: attempt to out swim the boat.  18 players went with the obvious of sticking to the boat, since, uh, the man power of 18> the man power of 1. But people castaways jumped from the boat and were left hopelessly far behind. One of those contestants just happened to be Stephenie LaGrossa. Though some of her fellow castaways questioned her possibility as a liability, she still got selected for the powerhouse tribe Ulong on day 2. The other boat jumper, Jonathan, wasn’t so fortunate. He wasn’t selected my either tribe and thus was eliminated on the beach.

LaGrossa may not be the most glamorous to ever play the game, but she can go toe to toe with the men in challenges. Too bad it cost her the million.

So now Stephenie seemed to be sitting pretty. She was on a tribe that was clearly physically superior. Unfortunately, they lacked in mental prowess. 7 failed immunity challenges later, Stephenie found herself alone as the last member of Ulong standing. After being absorbed into the competing Koror tribe, she quickly became the primary target after only one tribal council. At the final 8 tribal council, Stephenie was the inevitable target. Luckily for her, Janu had mentally checked out of the game and was willing to lay down her torch in order for Stephenie to stay in the game. Not so luckily, Steph failed to win the next immunity challenge. She tried to rally together fellow tribemates Jenn, Katie, and Caryn to take out the physically stronger men, but in the words of Katie, “We can’t get a female alliance together, because Caryn sucks.” After 30 days of close calls, Stephenie’s torch was snuffed in a 6-1 vote.

When Survivor: Palau aired, Stephenie’s popularity polls skyrocketed to the highest a female castaway had ever received. She was the ultimate underdog, and CBS wanted to bring her back for more. The following season Survivor: Guatemala, both she and fellow Ulong member Bobby Jon returned to the game. In Guatemala, Stephenie had a cult following that made her path to the final 2 perhaps the easiest ever. Everyone wanted to ally with Stephenie, and she got the pick of the litter when it came to selecting whom to take to the end.  Unfortunately for Stephenie, the power went to her head the second go around. She blindsided loyal allies for seemingly no apparent reason. She made a fatal error at the final four, voting off physically weak Lydia over the much stronger Danni who had already been able to win an immunity challenge 4 days prior. Danni went on to win the final immunity challenge, and chose to take Stephenie with her to the final two. Stephenie sat facing a jury of butthurt fans who she had betrayed needlessly. Danni sat facing a jury in almost the exact position Stephenie had been in during her original season. Danni was almost a carbon clone of the type of player Stephenie had been her first time around. Danni spent the entire game in the minority alliance and was seen as an underdog. Stephenie was only able to receive a single vote among the 7 jurors.

LaGrossa alongside fellow Palau alum and alliance member Tom Westman.

Stephenie’s past made her an interesting choice for Survivor 20. In Palau, she was the ultimate hero. In Guatemala, she had made a transformation in a huge villain. Stephenie was selected for the Heroes tribe, and I suppose rightfully so as most people remember her from her original Survivor stint, although she made it farther in Guatemala. For the first episode of Heroes vs Villains, there wasn’t much Stephenie. She dislocated her arm during the first reward challenge of the series, but then kinda disappeared even though she was on the losing tribe. Episode 2 made up for this with Steph. First, we had conflict with her and Rupert over “coconut popcorn”. Basically, Steph agreed to make popcorn for the tribe, and then proceeded to make it in large chunks. Rupert then complained about how if it had been chopped into tiny pieces, it tastes like popcorn. Te ridiculous part of this is that he watched her cooking them the entire time, so if he thought they should’ve been in smaller pieces, why not speak up before, you know, she cooks all the coconut? The interesting thing about this clash is that for years jokes were made about how CBS’ dream would be to have a tribe with both Stephenie and Rupert on it. When it finally happened, they were snippy with each other. That seems to be the Heroes tribe biggest fault. With the Heroes, everything is about the spotlight and self-preservation. With the exception of Russell on the Villains tribe, no one cares about hogging the spotlight. And self-preservation isn’t an issue with a villain: they’ve all already had a “bad edit” and embraced it.

So, second immunity challenge. It’s a repeat of a challenge from Survivor: Tocantins, so the Heroes tribe elects JT to lead on the puzzle as that was his original season. “One voice”.  Unsurprisingly, the once again Heroes lost on the puzzle portion. James starts berating Stephenie as she spoke up during the challenge (though she wasn’t the only one, but blaming the majority isn’t exactly a smart move and though he’s not the smartest tool in shed, even James knows not to pull that), which is unsurprising given his past history (but we’ll go into James’ relationship with women whenever he gets voted off). Back at the Heroes beach, the Micronesia alliance (Cirie, James, Amanda) already had Rupert on board with voting off Stephenie, as his oh so brilliant strategy of voting off anyone who can be perceived as more heroic made her the biggest threat. JT inexplicably sided with the Micronesia alliance as well, solidifying the fact that he is not a good strategist, and was handed the game in Tocantins. Also, why did no one point the finger at Rupert? He had to sit out of the challenge because of his toe injury, and is a liability that wouldn’t have costed either side. Micronesia would still have majority, and the tribe would be strengthened. How no one capitalized on this opportunity is beyond me.

At the second tribal council, James’ outbursts continued as he tried to keep the focus of fellow alliance member and the weakest remaining hero Amanda. Laughably, James used Stephenie’s performance in Palau as a reason to vote her off. By that reasoning, should he be next for being voted off with two immunity idols in his back pocket? Stephenie is one of the strongest women in the history of Survivor, so using her membership of a TRIBE (a group of 9, it’s not like she singlehandedly made her tribe fail) is preposterous. It’s one thing to vote a player off for strategic reasons, it’s another to come up with reasons that are completely not based on in reality, and then bully the person because of your ridiculous logic. For James’ sake, I hope his logic was a cover for why he truly wanted to boot Stephenie, as if he reasoning was as shown on TV, he is an utter fool.

Stephenie in Guatemala. Outplay? For sure. Outwit? Not in the least. Outlast? ...maybe.

Stephenie: EPIC

It was like the condensed version of Stephenie. All of her Palau story arc, fit into two episodes. In two episodes, Stephenie was able to regain her hero status and play the underdog once again. It’s a shame she left so early, as she’s someone who would’ve been interesting to watch had she made it farther. She’s been given a lot of flack over the years, and I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t a fan in Guatemala, but you have to give her props. Very few women have ever been All-Star worthy, and Stephenie is certainly one of those ladies. She also had the guts to stand up to James, who is able to intimidate most men. Steph is a Survivor legend, and in only 2 episodes she was able to prove why she was out there. I have to admit, this post is massive and I still feel like I could go on for ages. Stephenie is one of the biggest characters of Survivor, and her story arc is massive. She hogged air time on three seasons, and went from idiot to hero to villain to victim. Out of anyone’s overall story, Steph probably is the one that you could write a thesis on. Honestly, I recapped only the key points in this post and even had to cut some pretty important bits of Guatemala out, and still her recap is of epic proportions. But that’s the way she likes ‘em. Value sized. She’d also probably would like it doused in cheese and bacon. For you, Stephenie, I oblige.

Next course: Sacred chicken

Sugar: Epic, or Epic Fail?

This is hopefully going to be a weekly segment of the blog where I compare the latest castoff of Survivor: Heroes versus Villains to their performance on their original season. Then, their performance on HvV will be deemed either epic, or an epic fail. Think of it as being like a ghost race on Mario Kart. They’re only trying to beat their former selves. We’ll be starting with the very first player voted out of Samoa, Sugar.

First boot from Survivor and "pinup girl" Sugar Kiper

On her first season, Jessica “Sugar” Kiper was known as a “pin up model” during Survivor: Gabon, the 17th installment of the popular series. Do pinup girls even exist anymore? Who knows. One thing is for certain however, and that is that Sugar certainly stuck out in the minds of audience members. And that’s just the way she’d want it, fully admitting in pre show interviews that her return to Survivor was fueled by the desire to be “discovered”. There’s an overload of quotation marks used when describing Jessica, because she often times comes across as simply being artificial. Could the pinup girl traipsing through the jungle, hoping to be discovered be the real Jessica? Possibly. But somehow, there seems to be a disconnect between who she has decided to portray on television, and who “Sugar” is in real life.

In Gabon, Sugar made a point to betray people for enterainment of the viewers. She was pandering to what she believed the audience’s whims would be, and as such perhaps she was the greatest strategist the show has ever seen. While winning over audience members, Sugar’s unpredictable strategy and seemingly disingenuous mood swings made her plenty of enemies in the game. Even though she was able to make it to the final tribal council in her original season, she was unable to win a single jury vote. Corinne harshly summed up the attitude of her fellow castaways in her final speech.

When Sugar returned to partake in Heroes versus Villains, she was selected to be a member of the Heroes Tribe. But once again, Sugar came across as an abrasive persona instead of as a genuine human, rubbing her tribe mates the wrong way when she kept them up at night with her endless chatter. Though not seen on TV, it didn’t help that Sugar had attempted to form alliances with other cast members before ever stepping foot on the island, something that had been explicitly told not to do by production. Several cast members scorned the idea of pre game alliances in interviews, alluding to dislike of Sugar’s strategy before the game had even begun. Having been in Samoa only three days before being unanimously voted out (including by rumored beau JT Thomas), Sugar did little to be remembered by, though she was able to get in a few more sob scenes, earning contempt from fellow hero Colby who claimed her emotionally unstable behavior made it impossible for her to make it 3 days, “Let alone another 36.”

Sugar: EPIC FAIL

At least she was entertaining the first time around. This time, had her top ripped off in a challenge, chased Colby around the shelter, cried after losing the Heroes lead in the first immunity challenge, and then sat on the beach and cried more. This is what we call a Hero?

Not a happy camper, Sugar's emotions once again got the best of her.

Hay There.

I’m Elliott Hay, and yes, I’ve heard whatever joke you have in your head about my last name. I’m a college kid in the DC metro area. My interests include a strange mix of fashion, video games, and reality TV. Unfortunately for you, blogging has given millions the right to a bizarre delusion of grandeur, and today I join the masses. Like everyone before me who has clicked the “New Blog” button, I do with the belief that my opinion is important enough for other people to care about what I have to say. A blog takes a conversation and transforms it into a lecture, and suddenly my viewpoint is made more important than yours simply because I am the writer, and you the reader. Let’s change that. I am fully willing to admit that this blog will mostly be opinion, and that like any other human, I will occasionally get it wrong. There. I’ve conceded and come off my little throne. Now, let’s end this spiel and get onto the good stuff. I somehow doubt that you opened the link to my blog to listen to another self absorbed prat talk about themselves.

Elitism is going to be a catchall blog, but I’ll mostly cover the big reality TV shows out there, because let’s face it, we all watch reality TV. Don’t get all judgmental, unless you’re Amish, odds are you’ve at least watched an episode of American Idol or Survivor or one of those reality TV shows on Discovery about boats or logs or whatever. It’s okay, it’ll be our little secret, no one else has to know. The truth is no television is “classy” television, so when you feel like labeling reality TV as “trashy”, go ahead, it’s true. But so is everything else on the air. Reality TV just happens to be the only genre that embraces what it is. Reality TV: 1, Crime Shows: 0

Look at the progress we’ve made, and we haven’t talked about anything but what we’re going to talk about! I’ve stepped down from my throne of superiority, and you’ve decided to keep reading even though you know it’s a blog about reality TV! I feel like we’ve really bonded. So now that we’re friends, you’re going to read my next post, right? It’s like an obligation now. See those excellent manipulation skills I just pulled on you there? Learned those from Big Brother. Who says reality TV isn’t educational? Reality TV: 2, Crime Shows: 0

Bonus points if you just found that hidden message. To prove to you that there was a reason behind reading this entire first post if there’s no actual reality TV content in it, I’ll give you a preview of my next post. NEXT TIME ON…ELLITISM: Sugar, the first castaway booted from Survivor 20 is dissected. Was her appearance on Heroes versus Villains EPIC or an EPIC FAIL? Find out, on the next…ELLITISM.